VOTD

We have a pair of Trash Classics to look at this week - first a return visit to that Magnum Opus from 1967: VALLEY OF THE DOLLS, and then one I have not seen before, the rare 1972 POPE JOAN ....

Anne Welles, a bright, brash young New England college grad leaves her Peyton Place-ish small town and heads for Broadway, where she hopes to find an exciting job and sophisticated men. During her misadventures in Manhattan and, later, Hollywood, she shares experiences with two other young hopefuls: Jennifer North, a statuesque, Monroe-ish actress who wants to be accepted as a human being, but is regarded as a sex object by all the men she meets, and Neely O'Hara, a talented young actress who's accused of using devious means by a great older star (Helen Lawson) to reach the top .....

This reviewer (TJBNYC - host of one of my favourite sites: Stirred, Straight Up, With a Twist) at IMDB in 2001 puts it so well:

This is it, kiddies, the Grande Dame of camp classics. The sheer ineptitude of everyone involved is staggering. Mark Robson directs without a trace of nuance or subtlety; Patty Duke and Susan Hayward come off as boozy drag queens; Sharon Tate and Barbara Parkins look and act as if they had taken one downer too many; Dory and Andre Previn's musical numbers are as funny as those in "The Operetta"--the "I Love Lucy" episode which parodied musical theater; Billy Travilla concocts some of the most glamorously god-awful gowns ever seen; and Kenneth (of Hairstyles by Kenneth, of course) must be personally responsible for the hole in the ozone layer, so lacquered, teased and towering are his creations. But, you know what? IT ALL WORKS. The source material--Jacqueline Susann's groundbreaking, scandalous novel--begs for sledgehammer direction, overripe acting and eyepopping fashions. Certainly, subtlety was not a hallmark of Jackie's work. If anything, VOTD should have been even MORE over-the-top. Due to restrictions of the time, the film is sadly devoid of such juicy plotlines as Jennifer's lesbian affair, Tony's preference for - ahem - rear-entry intercourse, and Neely walking in on Ted Casablanca's tryst with another man. What we have, instead, is an endlessly entertaining piece of cinematic trash that is nowhere near as racy as it would like us to believe; and that's part of its twisted charm. Because it fails on so many levels--as true art, as explicitly sexual titillation, or as a faithful adaptation of a popular book--it's downright inspiring that it comes together so brilliantly. VOTD's ultimate triumph is that, despite its incredible waste of talent, time and money, 30 years later, we're still watching.

We certainly enjoyed VALLEY OF THE DOLLS in 1967 - I actually loved the soundtrack, that title song by Dionne Warwick, lyrics and music by the then Previns (Andre and Dory), which we hear while Barbara Parkins as Anne wallows in the surf after too many dolls (pills). Those New England in the snow scenes are lovely too, reminding us of those Fox PEYTON PLACE sagas and their movies about '3 girls sharing an apartment and looking for love'. The standout here of course is Patty Duke snarling and braying as Neely O'Hara, wearing the wrong costume for her next number as she is bombed or wondering where everyone is as her understudy (got up to look like the young Streisand) successfully takes her place. Then there is Ted Casablanca and those hilarious scenes at the studio as poor Jennifer (Sharon Tate) is only valued for her body ...... this is all deliriously put together by old hand Robson, no-where better than the famous cat-fight between Helen Lawson and Neely. This must have proved the template for all those fights between Joan Collins and Linda Evans on DYNASTY ....

Susan (replacing Judy Garland) of course is in her element here as the "barracuda" stage legend and she has 4 great scenes, the initial one when Parkins goes to the theatre to get her signature on some documents (above) when Helen hears Neely sing and gets her fired from the show; "give me a fountain pen, not one of those lousy ball-points" Helen/Susan growls, in that red suit, and her line "I know all about run of the play conrtracts"! Later she sings that hilarious number "I'm going to plant my own tree", then there is the tussle with Neely (right) before her wig goes down the can: "listen, they drummed you out of hollywood so you come crawling back to Broadway, well Broadway doesn't go for booze and dope...", she then leaves without the wig: "I'll go out the way I came in", and her final scene when she admits Neely's talent but knows she will destroy herself .... Susan of course is heads and shoulders above the rest of the cast, though Sharon Tate again shows what a singular beauty she was.

The men all seem hand-picked for their dullness: Paul Burke, Tony Scotti and Martin Milner all play mere cardboard foils for the volcanic, tragically self-destructive females, while the gays of course are dismissed as fags. You haven't experienced the true tacky splendor of the '60s till you've slipped this baby in your machine ...
The gay boys over at Datalounge.com (gay gossip site) actually have threads about Helen Lawson, a bulletproof Broadway legend, inventing various tv specials she did and things that went wrong with them as Helen boozes and cusses and causes havoc. Too, too funny .... Susan gives it her all here, really her last major movie, and Patty as Neely is dynamite too, and then there is Lee Grant stupendous as ever .... Trash has hardly been better, from the Jacqueline Susann best-seller (Jackie plays a tv reporter here), up there with Rona Jaffe's THE BEST OF EVERYTHING, another great Fox movie trash classic; or THE OPPOSITE SEX or WOMAN'S WORLD or those Lana Turner classics .... or Susan's BACK STREET, or those  more luridly trashy HARLOW films and THE OSCAR and of course THE LOVE MACHINE from 1970, the acme of Trash  from another Susann blockbuster, as per reviews at Trash label.